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The Sibling Sword…
 

Healing Heart

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Joined: 2014-10-10 Posts: 701
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Yesterday we were doing family pictures and my youngest child tells the photographer he didn’t want to sit next to his brother who has special needs because he “didn’t like him”... I know that’s not true, but it really hurt and especially because he said it in front of a stranger.  I’m sure typical siblings say things like this too, but it felt like this sword through my heart because of course I want my children to love each other - even more so because my disabled son will need all the love and tenderness he can get from his little brother as the years go by…

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Everyday Holds the Possibility of a Miracle

07 July 2016 09:02 PM # 1

Ger Mac

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Joined: 2016-07-06 Posts: 8
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I totally totally get that ...it just cuts deeper ...we tend to feel way more protective of our kiddie with SN…
I grew up with 6 siblings who I told on a regular basis I hated them…my eldest brother has down syndrome..we were thought to treat him the same which meant he got pushed shoved and teased too and told I hate you from time to time. ..there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for any of my siblings and none of us would ever see our eldest brother in a home he belongs with us for he is and always has been one of us ..so don’t worry ...kids will be kids ..sn or no sn xxx

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GerMac

30 September 2016 03:04 AM # 2

Healing Heart

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Joined: 2014-10-10 Posts: 701
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He hasn’t really said it since - he seems to be recognizing the primary difference between him and his brother - and now refers to himself as “Regular” and his brother “Special.”  I think it’s taking a while for him to realize that he has to be patient because he is “regular” and his older brother just can’t help his situation.

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Everyday Holds the Possibility of a Miracle

10 October 2017 08:02 PM # 3

Lemming

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Joined: 2017-10-10 Posts: 4
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We always tried to make sure our 2 other children had outside interests and took them to football, swimming etc so that they didn’t have to always be thinking of their sister. Unfortunately it meant that we had to split into two families at times, which was hard. We did this partly because of something my son said when he was 5. He said ’ will we have to look after Lou when we grow up?’ This made me realise that they were just as important and they shouldn’t have to play second fiddle to their big sister.
They are adults now and are both kind and considerate. My son is a great dad too! We have settled my daughter in supported living, so whatever happens she will be okay.

29 October 2017 01:16 AM # 4

Healing Heart

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Lemming - 10 October 2017 08:02 PM

We always tried to make sure our 2 other children had outside interests and took them to football, swimming etc so that they didn’t have to always be thinking of their sister. Unfortunately it meant that we had to split into two families at times, which was hard. We did this partly because of something my son said when he was 5. He said ’ will we have to look after Lou when we grow up?’ This made me realise that they were just as important and they shouldn’t have to play second fiddle to their big sister.
They are adults now and are both kind and considerate. My son is a great dad too! We have settled my daughter in supported living, so whatever happens she will be okay.

In our case, outside interests has nothing to do with our son when he made this statement and it also in our situation also has nothing to do with him continually thinking about his older brother.  I don’t want my youngest son to think that he doesn’t have a responsibility to his older brother as disability effects the entire family unit and yes one day when we’re gone, my youngest son will be in charge of his brother’s care.  But we’re raising him to accept that responsibility proudly and not to see it as a burden.  His brother is no more a burden to us than it should be to him.  My youngest doesn’t play second fiddle and I think I do a rather excellent job of balance both of their needs.

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Everyday Holds the Possibility of a Miracle

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