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Coping with Criticism
 

Healing Heart

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Joined: 2014-10-10 Posts: 697
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If you have a child with SN chance are you’ve been faced with criticism - either for something you posted or said on social media, or perhaps your preferred method of treatment or therapies for your child, or how you even parent your SN child, or even people being critical of your feelings or self-expression about the special needs parenting journey.  I think criticism simply contributes and compounds already raw feelings that naturally exist for all of us.  How do you find ways of filtering out the emotional and verbal pain that is often inflicted upon you for discussing your feelings, or our child with special needs with others?

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Everyday Holds the Possibility of a Miracle

09 June 2017 01:22 PM # 1

Kerry-Ann Fender

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Joined: 2015-06-26 Posts: 21
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Critics, or at least the ones who I suspect have no experience of walking in my shoes, tend to feel the sharp side of my tongue - it brings out the worst in me.

My response to random people offering an opinion on my parenting style (often dressed up as ‘advice’) would be along the lines of ‘Do you, by any chance, have experience in raising children with Down’s Syndrome? If not, keep your ignorant opinions to yourself!’ (if they let me get that many words in.)

The only criticism I’ve received so far when talking about feelings is that I’m too positive. I’ve been accused of lying about what it’s like to have a child with DS because I say I’m happy. I am though, I’m just like that. My response to that is to say that we’re all different, and, since I am in no way unique then if I’m experiencing life in a particular way, chances are, some other people are too. And we have a right to have our voices heard, too. But negative feelings must be talked about as much as positive ones, otherwise how are we to address them if we can’t acknowledge them?

12 June 2017 04:12 PM # 2

Healing Heart

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Joined: 2014-10-10 Posts: 697
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Kerry-Ann Fender - 09 June 2017 01:22 PM

Critics, or at least the ones who I suspect have no experience of walking in my shoes, tend to feel the sharp side of my tongue - it brings out the worst in me.

My response to random people offering an opinion on my parenting style (often dressed up as ‘advice’) would be along the lines of ‘Do you, by any chance, have experience in raising children with Down’s Syndrome? If not, keep your ignorant opinions to yourself!’ (if they let me get that many words in.)

The only criticism I’ve received so far when talking about feelings is that I’m too positive. I’ve been accused of lying about what it’s like to have a child with DS because I say I’m happy. I am though, I’m just like that. My response to that is to say that we’re all different, and, since I am in no way unique then if I’m experiencing life in a particular way, chances are, some other people are too. And we have a right to have our voices heard, too. But negative feelings must be talked about as much as positive ones, otherwise how are we to address them if we can’t acknowledge them?

See I wish I could be that bold, in the back of my mind I’m like don’t ruffle feathers, don’t piss people off, don’t stop being nice even if people aren’t being nice back… I’m always too afraid of offending someone that I rarely if ever say piss off and kiss my ass.  Although I should I just haven’t seemed to be able to sprout that backbone yet.  I have been accused of exaggerating the hardships too - with people I’ve never met on social media who have no actual clue about our lives.  And I agree I think negative feelings should be discussed as much as the positive ones.  But it certainly feels like people don’t want to give yo the personal freedom to do that, their expectations of what they find acceptable to discuss can only be unicorns and rainbows otherwise they really pound you with some harsh words… :(

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