As special needs families we are in an incredibly vulnerable position as we search for answers, therapies, anything that will give our kids an edge.

We spend hours and hours trawling books, the Internet, talking to potential therapists, the works; so desperate are we to ensure that we do everything we can for our children. And a lot of the time, this research pays off in spades… through it we’ve discovered some amazing people and have seen our little boy grow and develop more than many believed possible.

However it doesn’t always work out that way, and sometimes that fall can be a lot more painful than we could have predicted.

We’ve experienced such an event during 2015; in the midst of chaos as we moved house, got a Wheelchair Accessible Vehicle and sorted out a billion and one things to do with EHC (Education, Health & Care) plans, school and adaptations, somethings did not work out the way we had hoped.

It’s an incredibly difficult experience as a parent to discover that something you had put a lot of energy and faith into isn’t what you’d hoped and believed it to be.

There’s the grief, the feeling that you’ve let your child down, anger that things have to be so hard and, in some case, there’s a significant financial hit. Our experience fits into each and every one of these and I have taken a long time to remember that it is in no way my fault. I have not failed, nor have I let my son down.

I made what I believed, at the time, to be the right choice.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and life is far too short to use up precious energy wallowing and regretting.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason – they may not turn out like you expected, but they pretty much always work out for the best in the end. While this experience has been traumatic and incredibly painful to go through, it is just one experience that will become part of our families patchwork of life, it will cease to be as big an issue and will come more into perspective as newer experiences occur and are added in.

Next week my hero goes back to school – the school he spent a few weeks at during the end of the last term and which he loved.

Sending him off to his first day in his new school uniform will inevitably make me a tad bleary eyed; and its these, ordinary experiences that so many people take for granted which will ultimately form the happiest memories of my life.

So, for now I may feel bruised, and want to hide away from the world until the hurt and anger eases; but it won’t be forever, and the happy times will rapidly wash away the sad ones.

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