We celebrated Charlie’s fourth birthday last week.  

My little girl – still a baby in so many ways – is four years old.  

It’s hard to take in.  

She was thoroughly spoiled by all who love her, and I even managed to make a cake from virtually nothing (sugar-, dairy-, egg-, nut-, gluten- and lactose-free) for her to share with her friends at the special preschool.  

It was a big milestone for all of us.

Today marks another milestone, but tis time it’s a scary one.  

Those who have followed Charlie’s story would know that she’s been without accurate diagnosis, but I have a feeling that’s about to change.  

We’ve been seeing a paediatric neurologist at the new children’s hospital, and today she’s called us in to “discuss some test results”.

I can’t decide whether I’m excited to finally be getting some answers or just terrified of what they might be.  

 

Is our calm demeanour (for Michael is feeling this way too) casual acceptance, relief, or just plain old denial?  

Will this really be the day we find out why Charlie is the way she is?  

Even more enormous, will we discover what her future might look like?

We’ve only told the bare minimum of people what’s happening today – grandparents and our other children – not because we’re hiding anything, but because we don’t want to have to field the inevitable well-meaning phone calls after the appointment.  

Charlie has such a brilliant network of support around her, people who care for and love us, and for that we’re so grateful.  

 

It’s just that we feel we might need some time to process whatever happens today before we start spreading the word.

Will this day bring hope, or will it dash hope? 

One thing I do know for sure – nothing could change the way we see our beautiful Charlie and the things we will push to achieve for her and for her to achieve for herself.  

Have to run now – literally getting in the car as I type this.  

Deep breath, and unto the breach…

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