The summer holidays have ended which can only mean one thing, the season is changing and Autumn is coming.

I look at Autumn and think of the changing colours of the leaves, finding the biggest, shiniest conker in the park. The bonfires and fireworks and getting the jumpers and boots on.

I think about the longer nights, shorter days and the brisk chill that greets you in the morning. All this then brings me to looking at my children.

As another season ends and another starts I look at the children and can see them going to school, gradually going in bigger and thicker coats and hats.

I look at the children and see them slowly getting taller and slowly getting more independent and slowly developing their personalities and these all make me get that warm feeling inside.

I then take a step back and look at our baby. Our baby who is still a mystery, who we don’t even know what will affect her tomorrow let alone this season.

I wonder whether we will get the test results back from the research project we are in, and be told what condition she has. I wonder whether she will start to stand up.

I wonder whether she will utter her first word or at least another sound.

I then look and realise in this season we will be having hardships, she is now on supplements, her watered down purees and breastfeeding isn’t giving her enough nutrients.

Her choking is getting worse and so her speech and language therapist has started to hint at feeding tubes.

She is back to having days of temporary paralysis not just moments, which hasn’t happened since the spring. Along with more worrying, more hospital appointments and more unknown.

We will also be stepping into a new territory as we start to be talking to consultants about the fact my daughter’s kidneys are failing.

We know they are pondering what to do as our daughter has an unknown condition and they really don’t know why her kidneys are failing so they don’t know how to sort this problem.

Her heart is also showing strain and abnormalities so yet more doctors and symptoms are coming up and I wonder what other symptoms will come out this Autumn.

All the leaves, on all the trees do not all turn brown and fall off on the same day, in fact evergreens never turn brown.

I guess in some way children are like leaves, some will develop really early, like the leaves that are already on the floor, some will develop pretty much the same as everyone else, like the couple of weeks when it seems like the trees are just moulting leaves all of a sudden.

Then there are the special leaves the leaves that cling on until the last minute, the ones we watch and wait to fall and this reminds me of my daughter.

She is developing at her own rate and everyone is watching and waiting for her to develop, but she will develop in her own unique way.

This season is starting with so many questions, I wonder how many of these will be answered by the time we get to Winter.

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