I recently drove home from the parent group which is held at Oscar’s school with the overwhelming feeling that I was going to cry.

Not just one or two tears but lots.

Since, crying and driving is not the best of ideas I managed to pull myself together until I got home. 

Then the floodgates opened.

What had happened at parent group that prompted me to become a sudden emotional wreck? 

Nothing specific it seems. 

Except, the realisation again that as a parent of a severely disabled child, I seem to live in a completely different world. 

The world of having a special needs child and everything that entails.

It was also grief. 

The grief that always seems to follow the parent of a special needs child round and strike when you least expect it. 

It never fully goes away. 

Parent group had been really informative and I had learnt so much that I didn’t know about courses and help that is available.

There was information about contacting the incontinence nurse, help about getting benefits and respite care. 

That seemed to be the problem. 

Everyone else seem to know about these things and all I could hear myself keep saying was ‘I didn’t know that.’ 

I felt like I had been living with my head in the sand.

In fairness to myself, Oscar has only started school this year and the other parents have been attending parent group longer than me so they have had this information before. 

One of the mums also reassured me that some of the information is not necessarily readily available out there. 

Sometimes you only find things out by someone else telling you about it. 

But, I did feel terrible because I felt like I should know it all, that I should have all the answers.

And, I don’t. 

I try and attend every parent group as I have met some really lovely people who are in similar situations to me and you do find out so much from others. 

School is also really helpful and they have their own family team to try and help SEN parents with any issues as best they can. 

I recently met up with one of my oldest friends and we were talking about cars (not that I know the first things about cars) when I told her I may have to get a wheelchair accessible vehicle for Oscar in the future and she looked at me a bit blankly.

‘I didn’t even know you could get cars like that!’ she exclaimed. 

Again, this statement made me realise I live in that ‘different’ world again but I didn’t get emotional about it this time. 

After all, most of the time it is a great place to be.

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