When Zachariah first came home he was what others would say ‘as good as gold’ because he would sleep, eat, poop repeat.

He was such a happy content baby. This continued and if I'm honest it made everything else so much easier, it's OK that he's got Global Developmental Delay and a Visual Impairment because he's happy, and that all that matters isn't it?

When he first started to smile at roughly 4 months that was it then, it absolutely made mine and my husband's day, it was a huge celebration, it was contagious, he literally lit up every single room he entered.

This was the beginning of getting something back, something so precious.

Everyone who met Zachariah would tell me just how lucky I am to have such a beautiful, happy content boy, a boy who will smile at every little thing you do. They were indeed correct.

What concerns me about this lovely compliment is how do they see my son now when he's having a bad day, when he's tired and sleepy from seizures or  fed up from the constant therapy, do they still see what I see, an amazing, beautiful and determined little boy?

In November Zachariah was diagnosed with Epilepsy and pretty much started the medication straight away, they warned me that there are side effects, such as hair loss, tiredness and change in behavior.

This absolutely devastated me, I didn't want to lose my happy little chappy, I wanted to keep him the way he was.

But then the protective side of me needed to do this as the epilepsy was no fun at all and it needed to be tamed. I went with a friend to this meeting, who was the most supportive person I could have asked for, she comforted me and told me that it is for Zachariah's best interest to have the medication. She was right! But so was the consultant!

Zachariah has become very temperamental and can cry at any little trigger, to sum it up he's becoming a 2 year old! I’m not sure I can explain how this has made me feel, at first I was freaking out, I started to grieve over my happy, all smiling baby.

I was beginning to feel very drained and frustrated, sending a lot of hatred towards epilepsy for taking my son away.

But the more I pondered on this and spoke to friends the more I started to feel that maybe Zachariah was just developing, he was entering the world of ‘being a toddler’.

This conclusion whether it be right or wrong comforted me like I never thought it would, my boy was choosing what emotion to express and he was expressing it so amazingly, he was telling me ‘no’ in his own way, he was communicating with me!

And guess what? I haven’t lost my son, as he’s very much still here, he is still lighting up every room with his gorgeous grin and his contagious smile, however he now comes with a little attitude!:)

I love my Son and everything he teaches me!

Rochelle, Mummy to Zachariah.

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