It is days like today that I want to close the car door and just sit in the quietness of my own bubble for a few minutes.
But it is the business in my head that I can never still.
The question is to take Diwan to a remedial school or special needs school or to pull out nails to keep him in mainstream?
I've been doing so much homework on the topic that my head is spinning.
Every child is an entity itself and can't be judged upon another's performance in the past.
The thing is also that the term Cerebral Palsy makes for such a wide spectrum of children that even a child with the same or almost the same story as the next one, can differ immensely.
Will we be able to keep up with mainstream's demands and not have bullies.
Will he keep his self-confidence in an environment where he will always swim upstream or is it better to surround him with children like him, not knowing ever if he would have coped.
Gearing down, choosing to let him determine his pace although he always made it when we set the bar higher than even we thought he could go.
You see Diwan is too special for a mainstream school, too advanced for a special needs school and too physically challenged for a remedial school.
Which leaves us with a wonderful, bright young boy that doesn't really fit in anywhere.
We see him for what he accomplished not for what he lacks.
In his waking up, going to the bathroom, getting dressed and eating to go to school he already surpassed every other typical child that can already do that with their eyes closed.
Because he must overwrite his brain's programming in everything he does.
I wish people could see him though my eyes.
Trying again, therapy after therapy.
'Riding' his bike for years before he could really ride.
Learning to cope with a full leg cast, with orthotics day and night, with drinking medicine, sitting in waiting rooms, having botox and operations, never complaining, never wanting to give up in this challenge that will be for his whole life.
How can you compare that to coloring and doing puzzles?
In the school of life my boy is an honor student.
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