I am going back to work.
After two years of staying home with my son, I am going back to work.
Life has a way of opening doors and providing opportunities, and sometimes you don’t have to force big changes.
Sometimes, the changes find you.
He has been eligible for the services for years based off of his health and care needs, but we just didn’t know it.
I called about it on a whim, and lo and behold, he not only qualifies, but he qualifies by a substantial margin.
Apparently, we could have received services long before now, and I never would have had to quit working.
I suppose I could be angered by this, but I choose to be grateful for the time at home with him.
If we had received nursing care immediately, I would never have gotten to experience staying home with him.
After receiving news that we will start receiving home nursing care for Danny, I became anxious.
Danny’s mom has a pretty lengthy job description.
It includes duties of a nurse, speech, occupational, and physical therapist, and teacher.
With nursing care in place, what do I do?
While our life is challenging, it is still ours.
I have fiercely protected Danny and our little family, and bringing someone else into our home seemed threatening.
However, the paperwork moved slowly, and I had a lot of time to contemplate our respective roles between the time I found out we were eligible and the time we were able to actually have caregivers in our home.
It was the principal of the school where I used to teach, and there was a job opening for the upcoming school year.
Not only was there a teaching position open in my school district, but a position at a school that is two blocks from our house.
It is the same school where Danny will go in two years.
My initial reaction was to identify all the reasons why I could not do it.
Danny needs me.
I cannot possibly.
We have survived in crisis mode since his birth, and our initial response to pretty much anything has been to hunker down and stay close.
There has not been much room to consider possibilities or stretch the imagination.
We are just surviving here.
We will have trained and able care providers for Danny.
I started to stretch.
I dared to imagine.
I imagined that I could once again do something that I loved.
I could be a teacher.
I could be Mrs. Robeson again.
Teaching is a part of my being and while I have loved being Danny’s mom, Mrs. Robeson is a person that I miss very, very much.
I also imagined that in a few, short years, Danny and I could walk to school together.
I can see me pushing his little wheelchair to kindergarten down the few short blocks and sending him on his way.
I can see that I will be able to attend all of his school performances, know all of his teachers well, and usher him through his elementary years.
So I said yes.
I got the job and I said yes.
It is terrifying, it is exciting, and it is change.
We have a summer to prepare.
While I am not sure that I would be ready to cede his care to someone else even if I had years to prepare, it will come.
Ready or not.
But we are looking ahead.
We are imagining possibilities and that is always a good thing.
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