The other day something happened to me that I took very personal.

I felt that I was purposefully left out of a gathering.

It’s not the first time this has happened and I know it won’t be the last.

As I talked to other mothers of children with complex medical needs, they shared their experiences with me. 

Every single one of us has felt left out and “forgotten.” 

Neighbors don’t invite you to a neighborhood bonfire because they assume you’re too busy. 

Friends don’t invite you to a girls' night because you’ve declined in the past. 

You’re an afterthought for a playdate because they know how you feel about germs during cold season. 

I say to myself that it doesn’t matter but it’s human nature to want to feel included and I still hurt.

As I thought more and more about it I realized I don’t reach out. 

I rarely make plans. 

The only plans I make are with specialists, therapists, and social workers. 

It’s next to impossible to be the leader of a group outing. 

Our son runs my daily schedule. 

He needs constant monitoring and his care comes first. 

You see, we’re still learning how to navigate this journey we’re on. 

I have a hard time leaving him, not because I need him but because he needs me.

I’m his mind reader, his voice, his comfort, his everything.  

I apologize that I can’t always be present; physically, mentally, or emotionally.

My presence is required at home.

I apologize that I cancelled our playdate at the last minute because our son wasn’t feeling well.

I’m sorry that I told you I would call you on Friday and now it’s Wednesday and I’m just remembering.

I apologize that I said I would meet you for coffee but had to take a rain check because our son had a rescheduled therapy session.

I truly am sorry and I wish I could be a better friend than I have been.

I am sure that things will change as he gets older. 

Leaving him will get easier. 

His ability to cope and communicate will progress. 

I pray he won’t always be so medically fragile. 

We’ll get better at transitioning from one appointment to the next. 

His sensory issues will improve. 

Inpatient stays won’t be required from a winter cold. 

His anxiety when being left in the care of another person will decrease. 

I pray it’ll get easier. 

We’ll be better.

But for now, my presence is required at home. 

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