As the Christmas countdown has well and truly begun and we get ready for all the Christmas festivities, December also has a tinge of sadness for me.

On 9th December 2004, my mum lost her battle with breast cancer.

My mum was 58 when she died (believe me, she would not thank me for letting everyone know her age), and I had just turned 22.

This year marks the 10th anniversary of the day she died, so it makes this year even more poignant.

I can’t really believe that 10 years have passed by.

My mum didn’t see me get engaged, help choose my wedding dress, come to my wedding, all the things you expect your mum to be there for.

But, I think the one thing that saddens me the most is she never got to meet her beautiful grandson Oscar.

I know that my mum would have loved Oscar but I often wonder how she would have reacted to the fact that he is disabled.

The answer is I don’t know and I will never know.

Peoples reactions vary so much when you explain to them that your child is disabled whether family, friends or strangers.

They are either very understanding and ask all the right questions or they just don’t want to know or even try to understand.

Like us, my in-laws were devastated when we got Oscar’s diagnosis but they love and adore him as much as we do.

Oscar’s disability does not define him.

He is a loving, cheeky, funny, mischievous and very determined little boy.

The two pieces of advice I really remember my mum giving me is ‘Don’t get married and don’t have children’.

Well, sorry mum, but I’ve done both!

I don’t think she gave this advice to me because she was anti-marriage or anti-children (after all she was married and had children), I think she just wanted me to go and out and live life, not have to be answerable to anyone and to see the world.

Maybe it was really secretly what she had wanted to do, but things were different when my mum was younger.

But, that was not my dream. I wanted to have a family of my own.

In another cruel twist of fate I lost my Dad in July 2011 to dementia, a truly horrific disease.

Oscar did meet my dad but Oscar was to young to know who his grandad was and my dad’s dementia was so severe he rarely opened his eyes.

I am still glad that my dad got to meet his grandson though.

I miss my mum and dad and it is not until you become a parent yourself that you realise how much they have done and sacrificed for you.

Now the tables have turned and I am a parent I can appreciate this.

I wish things could have been different and my mum and could be around to watch Oscar grow up but life rarely goes the way you expect it, as we all know!

I just hope that I made my mum and dad proud.

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