When you are expecting a child, people often say to you that having a child will change you forever!
This would then be followed by examples such as; ‘you won’t get much time to yourself’, ‘you will learn to love on a whole new level’, and ‘your needs will always come last’.
None of us really know what this means until we meet our babies for the first time.
We heard what they were saying and we probably believed them but we did not know the extent of how this would be relevant in our experience.
I have always been a relatively patient person, with my desire to become a teacher it fitted in quite well.
However on the scale, my patience was not as highly scored as I first thought.
When I first started to try and play with Zachariah my patience was well and truly tested, because he is severely visually impaired he would either not see the toy I was presenting or he would take a very long time to see it.
I got frustrated, I began to believe I could not play with my son and because of that I must be a failure.
However over time I began to understand my son more and I was able to present toys in the way he needed and I learnt how to create the correct atmosphere for him to see, and bring to him bold, contrasting colours.
I have always struggled to hold my emotions in. When at University studying in the hope to become a teacher, I was told several times that I should consider teaching children with special educational needs and disabilities.
I remember telling those who suggested it that I would become too emotionally involved, I was not cut out for it and that I am not strong enough to be that person.
How wrong could I have been?! As 3 years later God blessed me with a little boy who has severe disabilities.
Now am I going to say that I am not strong enough or good enough to be his mother? Of course not! God gave me Zachariah, who has shown me who I really am.
So to those people who said to me that having a child would change me, I would like to reply by saying my son hasn’t changed me as such, but he has brought out the better in me, he has shown me how to be patient, how to be strong and how to not be afraid nor doubt myself.
Thank you Zachariah for showing me who I am
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