I am fortunate that every week, Cameron has a nice balance of after school childcare and family time. 

He adores his great granny and loves the afternoons they spend together. More so because he gets his own way.

The weather had been glorious for a couple of days; I returned home from work, and backed up onto the drive. 

I heard my son’s voice all loud and excited but not coming from inside the house “Hi mum, I’m playing on the green with my friends,” as he rushed over in my direction.

I smiled nervously as he ran off again a few meters away. 

He was playing with three young boys that live on our street, I'd say a couple of years older than him who we have in the past exchanged pleasant smiles with. 

He has asked to go out to play in the past but I always said no.

I felt instantly sick and anxious and my mind went into overdrive:

“what if they are horrible to him”

“what if they don’t include him”

“should I go and tell them he is autistic”

“should I go and stand and watch them play”

“I know I’ll give them all a treat”

So I went into the house where the door was propped open and was greeted by my granny, she said “don’t worry, don’t shout, he wanted to play with them and we can safely see and hear him with the door open”!

I know she is right but I couldn’t rid that tension from the pit of my stomach. 

I grabbed them all an ice cream from the freezer and a fruit shoot drink each and walked out to them, “Here you go boys, a nice treat for playing nicely”, I told Cameron that I would prepare his tea and at that point he could come in.

I returned to my house and stood in the entrance and took a few minute to listen to them play:

“Let Cameron take a shot”, said one of the boys.

“Cameron you stand over there and kick the ball into the net”, said the other.

My baby, well not baby as he’s 8 in a few days; my young man is playing outside for the first time, he is playing with people that don’t know about his condition and he is being accepted and acknowledged. 

Yes, OK he is the loudest of the lot of them but I’m just enjoying this major milestone with happy tears in my eyes.

I rushed to make his tea so I could bring him in to the safety and comfort of our home; I thanked the boys for looking after him and playing together so nicely. 

Cameron enjoyed it so much and was talking about it all evening and how he wanted it to be sunny again tomorrow so he can play back outside.

With that statement that pang of anxiety returned to my stomach.

How do we let go..... Just a little!!

I’m trying; I really am, it’s not just Cameron growing and learning on this journey - I am too.

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