I am one of those people that like to have everything bought for Christmas by August.
I have gone to the toy shops in their summer sales and stocked up on different things for the children of the family.
I will start looking now for the Christmas food stock that is coming in and stock up on Christmas chocolates and crisps. I will start to look out for coupons and vouchers for real Christmas trees.
This year however is the first Christmas I am feeling a bit stumped.
She was also only 4 months old and so baby toys were brought in the anticipation of her playing with them.
I went to the preschool/toddler toys in my local toy superstore and just looked. I walked over and picked up a few items, a walker, an activity table and just placed them back onto the shelves.
I decided to look at the items aimed at the children slightly younger than my daughter. Again, picking things up and then changing my mind.
I went back to the car and sat and just cried.
I know it sounds ridiculous, crying because I couldn’t find a toy for my daughter but actually it’s times like this that hit me the hardest.
It is times like this that I mourn slightly, I mourn for the easy life my daughter could have had, and I mourn for the life I had hoped for her.
I cry as I realise people will start asking what to get the kids and this trip will come back into my thoughts as I cry and ask for vouchers, for when she is stronger.
This Christmas morning I will be grateful for the progression she has made, I will be grateful that she has proved the doctors and physiotherapists wrong, however I will also have that tang of sadness as I will think about the future, how many more Christmas’ will my daughter have, how far will her progress be next year.
I hope future Christmas’ aren’t so emotional.
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