Father’s Day

Zowie Kaye's avatar

by Zowie Kaye

I owe my sanity to my husband, like really!

When you go through a diagnosis for your child and go through the grief cycle and uncertainty, it effects those relationships closest to you. 

You lash out and are angry at society and the universe for being dealt this card when you’re a nice person and it’s usually your other half that bears the brunt force of all that misdirected emotion.

Like all parents we made plans whilst we were pregnant and how we envisaged our child to be, the things he would do and the hopes and dreams we had for him. 

It’s hard not to as we all only want THE best for this being you have not even met. 

Whilst meeting the milestones or not as the case may be in those first few years of life, you are in anticipation of the time when your child will grow enough so that we can start putting into actions the plans we had made.

What about when there’s a delay though, when your child isn’t reaching those milestones and not communicating effectively. 

Well simply we realise now further down the line in our journey that you just postpone them, yes we had moments when we thought that Cameron wouldn’t EVER speak or ride a bike but he did, just a few years after his peers.

My husband is mechanically minded and had built his knowledge up with his own farther, I knew that he longed for this bond with Cameron too. 

And it came, a while after Cameorn started to show an interest in cars and bikes, then planes and trains – when he wanted to understand the workings of pistons within an engine I saw the joy on my husband’s face. 

Now he could start to be the dad that he had planned on being.

I realised also though that we had not as a couple grieved together through this whole process, I remember my husband telling me that until I started blogging he had no idea just HOW much emotion and mental anguish I had over Cameron’s diagnosis and autism. 

I realised that for so long I was on auto pilot and trying to manage Dr’s appointments, school meetings, childcare, workload, home life that I was burnt out and bottling all this up inside. 

I had never shared the true depths of my concerns.

More importantly I realised that I never stopped to ask my husband how HE was feeling about all this and his thoughts on our situation.

Turns out though he is so much more methodical than I am, “we will cross that bridge when we get to it” and “it’s never going to be as bad in real life as you make it in your mind”. 

He’s right, it’s never as bad as Cameron surprises us at literally every turn.

They do the boys things more and more nowadays of enjoying computer games, building Lego, talking about the engine capacity of supercars – it just took us a little longer to get here.

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