Zachariah is now 2 years old, and the questions of whether we will have any more children have started.
I absolutely dread this question because not only is it personal, it is upsetting.
Little do people know that when they ask this question I go home and cry because if only it was that simple to have another child, I want nothing more than to be pregnant again and give Zachariah a brother or sister.
Being brought up in a large family I vision myself also having a large family of my own.
We are still only at the very beginning of our genetics journey, Zachariah is very much a mystery to them and have advised we do not have any more children until they have a clearer view on his condition.
Not knowing the facts behind why Zachariah has so many complex needs and why his brain did not develop the way it should, makes it unknown of how it would affect any other children.
Our boy has had to fight so hard on so many levels that personally my husband and I would not like to choose to go through it all again.
When the 28 week scan showed his underdeveloped brain our lives where temporarily crushed and we had to battle worry and anxiety the rest of our pregnancy.
When we were told to consider termination because there were chances of Zachariah not making it, our hearts were smashed into pieces, we prayed every day that we would get to meet our precious son.
With all this in mind, we are so truly happy and blessed to have Zachariah, and if it is not the bigger plan to have any more children, then Tim and I will accept that.
The benefits of just having one child are endless and I’m taking them as comfort at the moment.
He gets my undivided attention, which comes in handy where therapy and appointments are involved.
When I think about having another child in the mix I struggle to see it working, having a new born baby as well as a very heavy two year old, who is also completely reliant on me just doesn't appear doable.
You see the constant battle I have with myself? It’s exhausting!
So next time you think about asking someone, anyone, if they are planning another child, pause and think how it will affect them.
I love my boyo and everything he teaches me.
Rochelle, mummy to Zachariah xx
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